Saturday, September 16, 2006

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May I Have Some Salt for This Wound, Please?

I am a temporary employee in my current job. I’ve never hidden the fact that I’d like to get hired on, even though there seems a remote chance it will happen in the next year. So it burned a tad bit when my group announced that one of the people had taken another position and they would be searching for a person to fill this role, but that I wouldn’t be able to apply because I am considered external, and they wanted to fill internally. However, they asked me to take a crash course in training so that I could fill the crucial aspects of this role until they found that new person.

I agreed, and for about the last month I’ve been performing the duties for this position. When they found a new person, the old person was supposed to come back and do the training. Now, I’ve been asked to train the new person because the old person can’t come back. There are two people that perform this job, and I will be training this new person on all the things I am comfortable, while the other person will be assisting with the things I am not comfortable doing.

Let me preface my rant by saying that I completely understand why I am not eligible for hire. That I get. But it just rubs me that I have been trained to do a job that I cannot keep, and now I am training the new person, too. I had a feeling that the cards would all fall this way, and look, I was right again. Oh, well, I’ll just tag something else to my resume and move on.

It would just be nice to have a secure job and benefits.

Bathroom Thought

Does choosing to work from the dark to the light say something about my personality?

Yesterday afternoon at work, I needed to use the restroom, as does any good citizen who over-consumes the coffee. As I open the door to restroom, the cleaning lady is in there cleaning the toilets. Trying to be nice, I ask her which ones she has already cleaned. She tells me it doesn’t matter. Now, this bathroom has one side of the 5 stall line that is significantly darker than the other side of the room. I just assumed that she started at the darker end and worked her way up to the light-filled end. So I chose the stall on the darker side just next to the one she was cleaning. Lo and behold, her next stop is the darkest stall.
For some odd reason, it hit me as an aspect of my personality that it says something about my assumption. For me to think that one should work from darker side to lighter side struck me as a need to work hard to get from the darker side (evil) to the lighter side (good). Where did this come from? I have no clue, but it was an interesting insight into my mind. Overanalyzing? Probably. But I thought what I thought and I thought I should share.

Life’s a Drag

I am so boring anymore. I don’t have time to keep on the latest news. I have a million and one things I need to doing, and no time to do them in. Let me just say that I have the utmost respect for all the single mom’s out there. That’s what I feel like most days. My husband is always at work or sleeping and I always am the one to take care of the baby. Not that I mind I her. She’s beyond amazing. Just some days, I would like some support. I don’t have anyone I can really talk to anymore. When I do see my husband, I desire to not blather on about my feelings. I don’t have any friends that I speak with regularly, and this is stuff I don’t feel comfortable sharing with my mom. Hell, most days I sit alone in my cubicle and eat lunch. Then I feel like having a pity party, and that makes me mad. I don’t wallow in self-pity. That’s not who I am. I think it’s because I feel alone. There’s never any time for me to do anything. A day in my life:

4:45 Alarm Starts Going Off
6:00 Must be out the door & on my way to drop the baby off
7:15 – 4:00 Work
5:00 Get to Mom’s to pick up the baby and find out about her day
6:00 Get home and start supper if it’s hubby’s day off
7:00 Get Baby ready for bed and give her a bottle
8:00 Baby may or may not be in bed – Might have time to do some stuff done.
10:00 Must be in bed to rinse & repeat

So, it’s no wonder that I feel alone & I hope that gets to change soon. However, cryptic that it may sound, I have a feeling it may get worse before it gets better.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Weighing In On Weight Loss

If you look over at the links, you will see a new one entitled Weighing In On Weight Loss. It's mine and a daily log of my weight loss activities. Lately, I've been adding to it throughout the day in a Word file, and then pasting into the blog at night.

I'm hoping it helps. We'll see soon enough.


I’ve spent some time today typing up with outline and story material I have for my WIP. Working title is Queen of Legends, which I like a lot, and I want to make the story live up to the title. Last night in the AW chat, I had a bit of a revelation of how my story sounds something like the Bush Administration:

A was with no end in sight & an insane king. (Substitute insane with dumbass if it works better for you)

I don’t know if that sounds familiar to anyone else, but it fits for me.

My daughter is 7 months old, has two teeth, and is so close to crawling that it’s kind of annoying that she hasn’t yet. It’s amazing how much she’s grown, and how much her personality has blossomed. It blows me away. Her personality is awesome, and not to brag, but I think she’s going to be one cool kid. She, in every way, makes me want to do this again some day. In a couple years, of course.

I’m still job hunting. My contract position is not going to lead into a permanent position any time soon, and I need that permanent position. There are several jobs I going to work on applying for this weekend, and there is the annual CareerFest coming up in a couple weeks. I’ve been working on my resume, and I think I have a pretty good one right now. At least I hope. We’ll see. They do free resume critiques at the fest as well. By the end of the year, I would like to be in a permanent position.

Oh, and for whatever reason, I’ve been on a housecleaning binge this week. I stayed up until almost 1 am the other day doing laundry. Don’t know what bug bit me, but my house could use the help.

More to come.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Piper's Teething

The teething thing is really starting to get to Piper. I feel horrible because there is not much I can do for her. Other than dope her up. Then I just feel guilty. I give a half dose of Tylenol for later and a slight amount of Orajel for now. And, I know about the throat numbing danger from the Orajel, so I'm very careful with the amount I use.

It seems to relieve her discomfort after she gets fed up with chewing on things, so I can't feel too guilty. It helps her eat an entire meal, and lets her smile and be happy.

I just wish these stinking teeth would hurry up and get in already.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Character Motivation

One of the things that I learned from all my adventures in learning to be a successful writer is that the primary concern of any one of your characters is whatever it is they want from this story. It doesn't matter what the author wants, it's all about "me".

So in this new story I'm outlining, there are six main characters. Six may sound like a lot, but I plan on using just a few POVs. However, I wanted to remember what was motivating each of my characters in this story. I suddenly thought of a great "tag" line for one of them, so it seemed only natural for me to do one set for each character. This way, I can keep their motivation in mind as I write each part of the story. Each main characters motivations:

  • What happens when six people band together to take out an insane, tyrant king? What if that guy is your dad?
  • What if you had uncovered a way to save the world? What if that way held the secret to bringing back your memory?
  • What if you believed you were the Queen of Legends? What if it were true and your unborn child was the heir to a kingdom?
  • What if by teaming up with and assisting a band of adventurers, you could discover where your daughter is and who killed your wife?
  • What if, by saving your country, you could redeem yourself of your past?
  • What if, by saving your country, you could free those who had not escaped & win back the love of your life?

The last two are similar because both of those characters are in the military, and I found it appropriate for them to be similar. I figure if I type these up and print them out, then it might help me to keep the focus of what each character is about.

It's just an idea, it didn't take me long, and it's worth a try.

Friday, June 09, 2006

My First Meme

Your Meme assignment is:
1. What did you miss most about AW - JUST ONE THING (yes, I'm evil)
2. What did you do when you were missing your AW fix?
3. What new blogs or sites did you discover as a result of the shutdown?
3a. Did you add a new blog to your blogroll or site to your bookmarks? (share if you'd like to)
4. Where did you comment that you'd never commented before?
5. What was your first post here when you made it back?
6. Didja miss the Meme?

My Meme answers:
1. The people - which in a way includes everything about AW. I love those folks. They make my day.
2. I hung out in the chat. A lot. I visited Roger's forums. I hung out at Making Light and Miss Snark. I checked out blogs from other AWers.
3. I checked out a bunch of blogs from other AWers. Dawno Shwebb MacAllister Rich ChaosTitan
3a. I added all of the above people to my bookmarks and I am sure more AWers will come.
4. Roger's forums I guess. He was such a great guy to house us like that in our time of need
5. I don't remember. *Runs off to look.* I posted in the Really Time to Party thread first.
6. This is my first Meme attempt, and I'm late.

Random Meanderings

Well today makes another day in the books. It's also my last week day with my daughter. On Monday, I start my new job. It's not a permanent position, but it looks promising, and I think the experience will look good elsewhere. Plus, I could get hired on at some point.

I am going to miss staying at home with my daughter. It's so much fun to see her smile all day long and to watch her make those developmental milestones. However, she's going to stay with my mom and that's cool too. My mom takes excellent care of her. In the same breath, I can say that I look forward to returning to work. I need something to stimulate my mind. I need challenges.

I'll probably be going to a funeral soon. It looks like my husband's great uncle is passing away. Today is also my husband's birthday, so it makes it a double whammy.

So much for the steak dinner I was planning for him. He might be driving to Kentucky instead.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Hey, Folks! Guess What?

The Absolute Write plight has spread all over like fire does out West. Now we've been boing-boinged. I'm not much into this stuff, but from what I gather it's something that will make us noticed all over the place.

Three times now, JC-Hosting has refused to give Jenna her information back. It's like a hostage crisis now. However, AW must move forward, so new forums are being set up with all the recovered cached data. Way to go cache-ers! We are looking to have some new members when we return to our new home. I don't know how many place I have read the following phrase:

"I didn't even know about Absolute Write before, but I am definitely joining now."

Once that fabulous team called the Mod Squad finishes sprucing the place up for us, we will have a nice, new home with some brand new members to welcome!

The down side of all of this is that Jenna Glatzer needs donations. Because of JC-Hosting, Absolute Write is not bringing in that key portion of revenue that helps it sustain itself. If you add in the fact that this is going to be one very legal battle to retrieve our poor information, that's sitting out there all alone in the cold, and Jenna's expenses will be through the roof.

Be sure to donate if you can. I am seriously debating sending the $15 I managed to squirrel away in my checking account. I may wait until tomorrow when I have a good idea as to whether I will be working soon or not.

Dawno has opened a store selling Absolute Write Gear, and I plan to purchase as soon as said job comes in hand. It's just too cool. All proceeds go to AW for the good fight.

Also, if you buy the Street Smart Writer from the little cute button on Dawno's blog, a portion of that sale will go to AW.

It's nice to see everyone band together to do so much good. I have a feeling that not only is Barabara Bauer toast, but so is JC-Hosting and the Top 20 Worst Agents. Speaking of which, I never did post my copy of the Top 20.

Other links of interest:
Jenna Glatzer
JC Hosting
Top 20 Worst Agents
Absolute Write

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Pics of Me After Giving Birth

The first is right after they took Piper to the NICU and brought me a picture of her for me to see. The second is filling out Piper's paperwork. The third is in the NICU when I got to see Piper for the first time. I hadn't slept in two days so excuse the appearance.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Piper's So Funny

Here are the pictures I took this morning of Piper. She's learned to slide down in her bouncy seat when I don't strap her in, which for all those concerned is only when I need to set her down for a second and I can still watch her the whole time. However this was funny enough that I had to get pics.

Loads of Crap

By now many of you know that Barbara Bauer, one of the 20 Worst Agents, called in and complained about Absolute Write to JC-Hosting, who hosted all Absolute Write sites. Reacting like a chicken with no head, JC-Hosting pulled the plug on AW with only an hour's notice to get all the stuff copied from the server. Needless to say, that all the information did not make it to us. Now that information is sitting like a hostage over there.

It's hard to decide who smacks themselves harder with the Stupid Stick on a daily basis.

Stephanie and JamesC over at
JC-Hosting can't seem to get their stories straight, and Stephanie has even started (or restarted) a competing writing site of her own. I hope that they realize what they have done to their business(es). You just pissed off a very mouthy bunch. We're writers, and it's in our nature to sound off about anything we can.

Barbara Bauer can proudly wear the badge that says, "I screwed myself just like JC-Hosting." Besides being number 3 on the list of 20 Worst Agents, she is loud, but I think that's about it. Given this Barbara Bauer has a PhD, you'd think she could do legitimate things. You have to have something resembling a brain to be up there academically, but there does some to be a correlation between book smarts and street smarts, in my experience. Another case for my point I suppose.

You would think that people would have the sense not to piss where they sleep, but, alas, it's just not true.

What really pisses me off even more than losing the brilliance of AW on a temporary basis is that they ruined
Jenna Glatzer's trip! She's AW's proud owner, and she works her butt off for us. I hope she understands how much she means to us, and we all know that if we can't AW back the way it was, we'll just make it better than ever. You can't bring us down, no matter what.

Just a message to all those who think messing with Absolute Write is a good idea, just remember what has happened to
Barbara Bauer and JC-Hosting. It won't be pretty.

Barbara Baurer
Absolute Write
Jenna Glatzer


Thursday, May 25, 2006

Story Creation In Progress - Exercise

I am doing some writing again. Doing some fleshing and messing. My characters are trying to figure out what to do. See below.

  1. Female: Wealthy psychic bard from royalty stock.
  2. Female: Strong-willed motor mouth mage's assistant with no memories.
  3. Male: Small-time thief searching for his wife's true killer.
  4. Female: Pregnant renegade horse trainer with the soul of a mighty warrior.
  5. Female: Cold-hearted paranoid bodyguard with only herself to blame.
  6. Male: War-weary army leader fleeing from a secret government program.


    2: So why are we all here?
    4: I don't know but I don't wanna be.
    6: I can't stay. I have to get outta here.
    5: I should turn you in. It's in my job description.
    2: But who are we? I don't know who I am, but surely you people must know who you are.
    3: I have a mission to complete. My wife is dead, and my daughter missing. I have things to do.
    1: It will all work out in the end, though not in the way you anticipate. However, it will make a lovely story to go with my voice.
    2: Can we at least go around and introduce ourselves?
    4: Fine. Fine. I'm Leja and I'm having a baby. I rebelled against the king because he's a tyrant and I won't train his horses. I am to be brought in if found, but good luck with that.
    2: Well, they tell me my name is Sola, but I have no idea if that's right or not. About two years ago, the mage's found me and I do research for them now.
    3: Ryak.
    2: Anything else you want to add to that?
    3: No.
    5: I'm Selea. Royal guard to her Majesty, the Queen. Is there something moving over there in those bushes?
    1: My name is Erisa.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Life in the Neonatal Intensive Care

Piper was carted off to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. While my doctor was tending to me, one of the NICU staff calls my husband over. Frankly, I would have preferred the man to come over where it would be easy for me to hear, but I have amazing eavesdropping powers. I quietly listened as he explained that they needed to take my daughter down to the NICU.

I had to wait before I could go down there, but after a few minutes, all the grandparents and my husband went down there. They took pictures of her for me, as did the NICU. They sent me a card with her picture and a nice little note about who her doctor was and stuff. I was waiting in my room for her doctor to come talk to me, which felt like eternity because he had a baby that was more critical than my little one.

While I waited, I got to eat, finally, and after I ate, the nurses gave me some pain meds. Then my nurses bring a wheelchair to cart me down to the NICU. When I got down there to her, they had already taken her off the CPAP, which pushed air into her lungs for her and got her on a cannula with almost room air. The respiratory therapist I spoke with indicated that he got a lot of fluid from her lungs. She seemed to be improving rapidly, but they had to keep her until all her tests came back.

When I spoke to her doctor, he described several potential issues. She has fluid in her lungs, a low blood volume, and acidic blood. They were taking care of all the issues, but she was hooked up to everything under the sun. It was sad to see my little pumpkin attached to all kinds of doohickies.

When I went for my last visit of that first evening, I had the opportunity to hold my baby. I watched as the nurse gave her the first bath, and watched as my little one desperately looked for some food. She was hungry, but lung-issue babies are not allowed to eat the first 24 hours. It made me feel like crap, and by the time the bath was done, she passed out. As much as I wanted to hold my baby, I felt rest was better for her and opted not to hold her then.

Knowing that my baby was already vastly improving, I went to finally take a shower. It felt sooo good. I hadn't realized how tired I was. The nurses said I was moving around very well for someone who just had a baby. I guess it was the adrenaline. I couldn't just stay put while my little one was in trouble. However, being up for two days did me in and when because I managed to convince everyone (husband included) to go home and get some decent rest, I was all alone to sleep. Some people might think poorly of my husband for leaving me by myself, but I insisted on him going home.

The next couple of days were a blur of pumping milk, breastfeeding the baby, and just waiting for news. On her second day of life, Piper was allowed to eat, but they would only give her 6 cc's of food at a time because of the lung thing. The only way to side-step that was to breast feed her. So I meandered down the hall every three hours to let my daughter eat as much as should. After that first day of eating, they let her eat as much as she wanted.

She went into the NICU on Tuesday morning, and she finally got to come home Sunday morning. Original problem-wise, it took three days for her blood cultures to come back, and about that same time, her doctor found the issue of a low resting heart rate, so low in fact, it was a concern. So from the time it was discovered until Sunday, this was monitored in case it was an issue. As it turned out, it was a non-issue and it seems her heart rate is just low when she's asleep.

The thing that really got me going was her doctor. One minute it would be, "This looks like a non-issue," and the next it was, "We need to keep an eye are her." He was back and forth that by Saturday, I was in tears. The first time I cried through this whole ordeal. I was just frustrated beyond belief and all I wanted was my baby at home where she belonged.

The bottom line is that Piper suffered a hard labor and delivery. That's all it was. Things are groovy now and she's as healthy as a horse.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Labor and Delivery Part II

So, by 1:00 A.M. Tuesday morning I am finally dilated to 5cm and by 1:30, I hit 6cm. All I can think is, Woohoo, I am finally going to have this baby. By 3:00, I am dilated 7-8. Then comes another snag.

By about 5:00, I am dilated almost completely. The last part we are waiting for is that a small part of my cervix won't thin out. I think that it may have been related to scar tissue from a biopsy, but we will never know. As time goes on, the nurse says that a decision will have to be made soon if I don't finish dilating or at least progress enough for manipulation of the baby's head.

Then I realize that I am starting to feel my butt again, and my pain is getting bad. Looking back, I remember the anesthesiologist warning that having an epidural as long I had increased the risk of the tubing going out. However, it is shift change, and I call for my nurse to come help me with the pain. The nurse I had for the night shift was great, but I had to call more than once for this new nurse, and she really seemed to have an attitude. She turns up my epidural, says it will take about 10 minutes to take effect, and that I should expect more pressure. Thanks, for that clarification. During my internal exam, she seems very rough with me and it was quite painful.

When they tell me I can start pushing, I give it all I got. My mom said that pushing took a whole 25-30 minutes tops. I was ready to be done and it showed. The nurse was annoying though. Finally I decided to just ignore her and do it my way.

At 7:59 A.M., my beautiful little girl came into this world weighing 7lbs. 2.7oz. and at a length of 21 inches, which included her conehead. My ob/gyn laid her on my abdomen and I got to touch her head before she was taken to the warmer to be cleaned up and evaluated. She didn't make any sounds until she had been over there for some time. I was quite worried and I hope that I never again have to experience what happened next.

Going into Labor

I actually went into labor the morning before my due date, which was Tuesday, January 31, 2006. That previous Sunday, my husband was scheduled to go into work that night as usual, but he decided to call off because I was having some some strong cramps, and he seemed to think that he would need to be at home.

Well, we decided to try to assist the onset of labor with some sex. It's supposed to work, and in our case, it did. The second time we had sex, very early Monday morning, I had some regular, light cramping. So at 5:30 A.M., I am lying in bed reading a book because I decided to take it easy. At about 6:45, the cramps become severe enough that I can no longer concentrate on the story. I decided to hop in the shower, because all the advice is to test for Braxton-Hicks by doing something different from what you were doing, i.e. from resting to active or vice versa.

I called my mom for her opinion about it being the real thing, and the doctor. It seems this guy does really well with high-risk, but I always felt kinda ignored. I know more than tell him that I think I am in labor, then he says go to the hospital. So we take care of the dogs and we load up my bag, the baby's bag, etc.

We get into observation... and we stay there from 8:45 until almost 2:00 P.M. They can't decide whether to admit me. The nurse doesn't seem inclined to because I am not dilating fast enough and my contractions aren't starting from the top of my belly, but she can IV me because I am dehydrated. She teased me by asking if I was ready to get up and walk, and the whole time, all I have been saying to my husband and my parents is that I want to walk.

Finally, I am admitted because my ob/gyn called for an ultrasound which showed an aged placenta. There's no way I am going home until I have this baby. By this time, not being able to walk around like I want to, I am in severe pain. I really wanted to go natural, but they call for an epidural as I am wheeled to my room. The funny thing is that they have to give me an injected pain killer just to get me to sit still long enough for the epidural.

After I am finally numbed to most of the pain, I learn from my nurse that my ob/gyn considers 2:00 P.M. too late to order Pitocin to assist my dilation. I was only dilated to 2cm when I got a room, and by 11:00 P.M., I finally hit 4cm. They ended turning down my epidural that evening because it slowed my labor so much. By about 11 or so, I asked for it to be turned back up.

My poor husband in all this, he was tired from being up all Sunday night, while I slept, and all day Monday, so I finally convinced him to go home and get some rest when I quit progressing. My mother-in-law stayed with me that night as I also told my parents to go home. Little did I know that excitement was just around the corner.

Playing Catch Up

Okay, so I did the whole prepare for the baby thing and then I went and had her. What happened there was the most terrifying experience yet. I now understand many of the things mothers say. The next series of posts will cover the birth experience up until this point. Then we will move on to other things. Like writing, or lack thereof. I am trying but I am searching for a job and taking care of a newborn. Plus there is this other thing called housework that I need to do.

However, today I am devoting solely to telling the story of my daughter. More to come.